Google+ has been exiting to discover, and my geek is deeply satisfied with it and all it promises to bring.
But the last few days I have been feeling more lonely than usual and Google+ is also to blame.
Adding all my .. friends.. to another social network brings my lack of social life straight back into perspective. Its hard to keep ignoring how empty my life seems to be most of the time. How few people amung all the ones I know I can really call friend. How the ones I would like to call friend, don't seem to feel the same way.
I feel unable or unwilling to crawl out of my shell. I am shy and unsocial, and trying to force myself out of the door feels wrong. I feel I am stuck in a feedback loop where all I know are the same people who I only have half a connection with, even though with many of them I want more. To be shunned and ignored, but not acknowledged as such by the two people I care most deeply about continues to hurt so much, but I feel unable to break my bond with them. Because if I did, then I truly would have no one to really care about anymore. Its bad enough knowing they don't care about me in the same way. Even the people who I consider quite close friends don't bother reaching out to me anymore. And watching their lives and activities and interactions with each other, without me being a part of it hurts me too, but I know I have mostly myself to blame. I am so bad at reaching out, I am socially lazy but apparently the hurt and loneliness doesn't motivate me either to do more. What can I possibly do? I feel the best years of my life are slipping by me, and I have no one to share them with, and no one besides my family who seem to care. I hate myself for being like this.
